Been meaning to post this for forever, but life got in the way. A couple things.
Island Park was a dream. One of my favorite parts was floating the snake river with my people. Behind us is Sawtelle Mountain, where John asked me to marry him. It’s wonderful to go up every year and tell our girls that story. I think about those 9 years since and know that we are so incredibly blessed. It’s hard to realize all the good when you’re in the thick of tantrums and trials; helping these little people through their individual challenges, but they are such a joy in our lives. I have been thinking about what a sacred privilege and blessing it is to be their mother. Nothing comes close to it. If nothing else, James’ diagnosis has given me a clarity about what is important, it's our family, plain and simple. That $300 it's going to cost me to register my car? NBD.
It's a perspective I pray will never go away.
Also, we bought a house. It was a stressful thing. It's not our dream home, but it is a dream having our own washer and dryer, another bedroom and bathroom, plus so much extra space! Now to pray the market keeps rising (as it historically over the years always does, especially in LA). With this comes a ward change (even though we only moved about 5 minutes south), and a school change (which has been hard on Hazel, but she's been rallying!) I am just so grateful for our Father in Heaven always watching out for us. Another thing I'm learning is if I didn't have the knowledge of Him lovingly watching and guiding us, I think I would collapse under the pressure of 'what ifs". Adulting is scary, especially when there's risk involved.
And that's where John comes in. What would I do without him?! When I'm spiraling, he just helps me stabilize. It's like his superpower. Anxiety creeps in constantly these days, with all the change and James' heart. John talks me down, always.
And melatonin helps me sleep.