tender mercies.

i almost died yesterday. okay, not really. but i felt like i was going to several times. and today i am grateful for the many people who helped me and for the many tender mercies that came my way.

(i am watching my four cousins for nine days. going from one child to five all at once has been craaaazy.)

i am grateful that first off, hazel slept really really well that night. so while i was to and from the bathroom(which is right next to her bed, right now in the master closet) she didn't make a peep almost the entire night. (not that i got much sleep anyways, but i can't imagine doing that and trying to feed/soothe her several times)

and in the morning i sat myself down in front of the tv with a bowl to "take care of" the kids and called my mom just to ask her if she would be able to swing by some diapers later on, since i was incapable of going to the store.

my mom was at the door within 30 minutes. i cried when she got here i was so grateful! she took care of the mathews and my own daughter. got them ready for the day, breakfasted, etc. my mom had to leave, but then grandma showed up a while later, and later on kristen. the day is pretty much a blur of people bringing hazel to me to be fed and then taking her away again, or hazel sitting next to me happily on the bed (bless her heart!) as I lay there, i'm sure on the brink of death. and there was also that one time when no adult was here and lanie wanted chocolate milk... and when i tried to get it for her i ended up hurling in the sink while lanie kept asking me, "why are you doing that?" haha. isn't the stomach flu so glamorous? 

and finally, i am grateful to john, who, even though he had school in the morning, and even though he had lots to do, came up and not only put the kids to bed, but also helped two sad (overtired) girls get back to sleep at night. and he went and grabbed hazel for me when she needed to be fed.

i am so grateful for the tender mercies of The Lord, for my family and their selflessness and kindness, and for the chance of have had to spend with my cute cousins to learn from them and learn more about myself (ex: that i lack patience). ;)


hey there!

- the beebes only woke up once last night {!} that hasn't happened for months.
- she is getting really restless and wants to crawl so bad.  this is causing her great distress because, as long as she has been alive, she has hated tummy-time.  it is her number one enemy.  so now, she can't decide how to move where she wants to go.  she just kind of lays sideways with one knee under herself and gets stuck and frustrated.  
- i never want to forget that one time today a lab was snooping around our shed and i couldn't figure out why, until a yorkie bolted out of a small whole in the side of it.
- i also never want to forget that one time hazel had a blow-out on the avocados in our cart at costco.  {actually, maybe i do want to forget about that... but can't?}
- pumpkin pie + cookies and cream in shake form at the creamery.  life changed.
- aaaand, for the record, my baby does not like throwing leaves into the air, as i thought she would.  she was quite concerned.  

hey, happy friday!


mmmm..... fall....

i'm convinced fall is my favorite time of the year.  we have been having 50 degree weather and hazel and i wear sweaters and go on walks.  it's pretty perfect.


for the purpose of documentation.

it wasn't enough that hazel woke up, wide-eyed and ready for the day at 6:30am.
she also had to have a blow out on john right as we sat down in our first church meeting.
and, after being changed, i had to take a spill in the drive way with her in my arms (don't worry we are fine, hazel especially since i broke the entirety of the fall with my body, she was practically unscathed.) as i hurried to get back over to the church.
then, she needed a nap during sacrament meeting (because she woke up at the crack of dawn) and i had to take her out in the middle of the sacrament due to she was throwing a fit (taking half of the sacrament still counts, right?)
and then a bishopric member sees me leave and texts john, "are you guys okay to get set apart today after church?"

bah!  church is not easy some weeks with an 8-month old.  but, of course, it's no fault of hers.  and i have thought a lot about what more of a blessing and a sacrifice it is to attend church each week since i have become a mother.  no matter what time our church is, hazel always needs a nap during some part of the 3 hours of it.  i look up to all those moms (including mine) who do church with six kids consistently each week because they believe it is true and want to follow God's commandments.  even if you aren't a member of the LDS faith, i hope you can take this post for what it is - a realistic and honest look at what lengths we go to to exercise our faith.  i am grateful for the knowledge that i am one of God's children and that he loves me.  


hazel's new trick!! from Paige Brunt on Vimeo.

after writing this post i felt like such a downer.  here's our lovely girl doing a fun new thing this developmental leap has brought on - copying us.

some things.

hazel has changed a lot in just the past couple of weeks.  she went (is going) through a big developmental leap and we are trying to adjust to it.  she now she cries if i step out of the room for just a second.  she isn't sleeping well these days either, which just stinks for a sleep-fiend like myself. and sleep training is a beast, let me tell you what.  hazel cried for longer than i care to admit last night before john and i caved.  no one is getting good sleep in our household these days.

aaaand hazel is getting closer to crawling.  i'm not putting all our breakables up high yet, but in the next month or so, i might be.  she can "scoot" backwards a little if we put her on all fours.  {she doesn't scream at me when we do that anymore.... progress!}  and she's started feeding herself a little bit, which is revolutionary when you consider how much she despised solid food at the beginning.  she still really likes bath time, but i'm having to watch her even more closely (no more instagram during bath time...) because just tonight she took a little tumble headfirst into the water before i could catch her.

so peeps, i'm just going to go ahead and admit it.  i feel like i am struggling as a mother these days. it's probably only the hundredth time i've felt like i've failed as a mother, since i became one.  100 is pretty good by eight months, right?

i feel far from "good" at mothering.  i might just throw it out there that i'm downright mediocre at some aspects of it (like sleep-training, for starters).  this 24/7 job feels even more 24/7ish now that we're up during the night a lot these days.  and i am finding myself wishing for a magic button that will help ease my baby through this tough time in her life.  but i know we'll get through it.  i am just hoping that i can do what's best for her as we both struggle around blindly, feeling our way through this dense and complicated mist that is nine months.


sometimes, we take photos.

last sunday, it happened like this.
"hey mom, we're coming up."
"and you're going to take pictures of us."