11.05.2013

some things.

hazel has changed a lot in just the past couple of weeks.  she went (is going) through a big developmental leap and we are trying to adjust to it.  she now she cries if i step out of the room for just a second.  she isn't sleeping well these days either, which just stinks for a sleep-fiend like myself. and sleep training is a beast, let me tell you what.  hazel cried for longer than i care to admit last night before john and i caved.  no one is getting good sleep in our household these days.

aaaand hazel is getting closer to crawling.  i'm not putting all our breakables up high yet, but in the next month or so, i might be.  she can "scoot" backwards a little if we put her on all fours.  {she doesn't scream at me when we do that anymore.... progress!}  and she's started feeding herself a little bit, which is revolutionary when you consider how much she despised solid food at the beginning.  she still really likes bath time, but i'm having to watch her even more closely (no more instagram during bath time...) because just tonight she took a little tumble headfirst into the water before i could catch her.

so peeps, i'm just going to go ahead and admit it.  i feel like i am struggling as a mother these days. it's probably only the hundredth time i've felt like i've failed as a mother, since i became one.  100 is pretty good by eight months, right?

i feel far from "good" at mothering.  i might just throw it out there that i'm downright mediocre at some aspects of it (like sleep-training, for starters).  this 24/7 job feels even more 24/7ish now that we're up during the night a lot these days.  and i am finding myself wishing for a magic button that will help ease my baby through this tough time in her life.  but i know we'll get through it.  i am just hoping that i can do what's best for her as we both struggle around blindly, feeling our way through this dense and complicated mist that is nine months.

2 comments:

kiri Berdan said...

I'm sure you are a lovely mother! And Hazel sure is a cutie, so that helps! :)

Susan Guest said...

Dang, I thought I left a comment the other day, but I guess it didn't save. Don't beat yourself up. It's normal to feel inadequate, but you have all the skills and love that you need. Sleep training is pretty much the worst thing ever. We used Ferber with Ginny, and it worked well for us, but there are other methods if it's not for Hazel. Keep at it. I think you're doing great!