on learning to trust my instincts:

if i've learned anything this week, it's not to second-guess myself as a mother.  for many reasons, the past few days have been harder than i like to admit.  hazel just hasn't been herself, and as a mother, there is nothing worse than not knowing how to help your child when they wake up at five in the morning.  you feel quite powerless when all you can do at that five am wake-up call is give your baby ibuprophen and try and rock her to sleep.  and when an hour of that fails, snuggle up on the couch with baby einstein, a blanket, and some goldfish crackers.  

with each new hurdle that came our way, i was second-guessing myself.  asking john what he thought i should do, calling my mother at least ten times a day to ask for her advice, i even bugged my 19-year-old sister for a confirmation that i was doing the right thing.  i went into lds general conference with a prayer that i would be able to know what to do to help hazel to be a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, well-behaved child.  the talks came and went, one by one, and i didn't receive an answer.  nearing the end of the conference, i had a strong impression to trust my instincts as a mother; that Heavenly Father sent Hazel's strong-willed, tender spirit to me for a reason.  that i am the best person to be her mother and that she is the best person to be my daughter.  she has already taught me so much about love, patience, and happiness than i would have ever thought possible.  it is humbling that such a tiny human can teach me so much.  and yet, she has.  i felt a reassurance that He would continue to guide me as i endeavored to give her all the love she needs and deserves.  i'm fairly certain that whatever challenges come our way, i will be able to meet them head-on and trust my instincts.  as long as i remember that i am a strong daughter of God with divine potential, i can live each day, happy and grateful for my blessings and the privilege that i have to be a wife and mother.

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