knocking over chest tubes, and such.

my nursing final lab pass-off was today.  which means:

heart palpitations,

sweaty and shaking hands, 

and nonstop anxiety.

every semester, i pass.  every semester i get above 90%.  every semester, i get a great grade.  but every semester i always manage to freak out and act like a spaz. i forget what i'm doing, i make dumb mistakes.  i act like i enjoy knocking over chest tubes, and such.  or drawing up morphine twice because i accidentally contaminate the end.  { i mean really, the nurse is staring at me with those ICU kick-A eyes of hers, and i just can't handle the pressure!  ICU nurses are the shiz-nit, and i want to be one.  someday i want know everything and think i'm the shiz-nit too, and then i will have kick-A eyes that tell everybody, "don't mess with me."  and, "i save patients every day that are on the brink of death, do you?"  and really, ICU nurses are the bomb.  they know everything.  they are like doctors minus the degree.... or, something like that.}

so.... after i freaked out and kicked over the chest tube^^^, the lab instructor {looking at me with her ICU, nazi, kick-A eyes,} said, "now i have to fix that".  {i curse myself for wearing those massive boots....}

ug.  minus one point overall, but it feels like fifty.  i needed a sandwich.

on a wonderfully happy note:  

we are golden.