yesterday, my patient coded.

but don't worry, it wasn't a real patient.  it was a mannequin, just like the one pictured above.  still, having a patient code is scary.  and all sort of thoughts run through your head: "should i have given the atrovent before the albuterol?", "i should have done a more thorough assessment", "why wasn't i more clear in my teaching of the patient?", and, "what more could i have done?"

as i'm sitting there doing cpr on a coding mannequin, i am terrified of my chosen profession.  not because i don't think i can handle it, but because i'm not yet prepared for the high-intensity situations that i will face as a nurse - because i lack the experience that is needed to perform well in such circumstances.  i can only hope and pray that someday, soon, i will have had clinical exposure to feel like the critical thinker that i need to be.  so even if my patient codes, i can keep a level head and know how to save their life.  

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