this is what 6am looks like.

for the most part, getting up at 4:30am for peds clinical  is not much different from getting up at 5am for labor and delivery. waking up feels about the same {horrible}. getting ready feels about the same{drunken}.  eating breakfast feels about the same{barfy}.  

here are some things i actually really like about getting up in the wee hours of the morning: 

1.  snoozing on the way to salt lake.

2.  listening to the world all peaceful and quiet.  

3.  waiting for trax and loving that brisk fall air at magical 6am on a friday morning.

low, the moth and the flame.

on friday night we went to see one of our favorite bands, low, with ryan and janessa and phil and briana.  i am always amazed by low's powerful lyrics, beautiful harmony, scratchy guitar, and steady percussion.  the moth and the flame were there too, and we kind of liked them as well, despite a want of more variety in their songs.  low's song, silver rider, has to be my all-time favorite. 

today.

today,

i lit a christmas candle,

turned on my pandora christmas playlist,

compulsively cleaned the whole house,

and loved every minute of it.

it's official.

something about friday clinical made me realize that nursing school will all be worth it.  the stress and embarrassment, the asking of stupid questions, the doing of stupid mistakes, and the feeling of uselessness and incompetence - will all be worth it in the end.

on friday, i watched the miracle of birth {twice!} happen right before my eyes.  i also performed a newborn assessment.  {two, actually!} and i was helpful.  so helpful!  i opened my eyes and saw things that could be done and by gosh, i did them.  i gave newborn meds and i watched a mother cry with joy as we put that baby in her arms - that baby that she had sacrificed everything she has and more to bring into this world. and felt like i could, someday, belong in the labor and delivery unit of a hospital. {finally!  i know where i belong.}

it wasn't until friday that i realized, i have been waiting for two years. {two full years!} to feel like i had chosen the right profession. i knew i loved people, i knew i loved medicine. but did i really like being a nurse? i was all but certain. i would go to clinical and be okay with the unit i was in. but never did i fall in love with it.

well, friday, i fell in love with it.  i fell in love with the labor and delivery unit.  and the idea of holding a newborn every single day for the rest of my life.  that sounds about perfect, no? 

a glimpse into our weekend.

my favorite photos of the week.

this week has been an emotional roller-coaster.  and if i was to describe that roller-coaster to you, i'd probably mention that it had more downs than ups.  just like you'd expect, you have some up moments, but  the coaster is consistently sinking lower, and lower, and lower.... and then the ride ends.  wow, roller-coasters are kind of depressing if you stop and think about it.

yesterday, i basically worked myself to pure exhaustion-mode studying.  i walked home in utter distress and bewilderment, and when john finally called to say that he was coming home, {he got in about 9:30} i literally burst into tears.  as my mom would say, sometimes you just need a good cry.

he offered to bring me home a diet coke, and we watched deadliest warrior for the rest of the night.  sometimes, i think that life just is that way, and there's nothing we can do about it.  but it sure makes it a whole lot better to have a cable tv and lots of diet coke on hand.

my favorite photos so far of the week:

1.  "who's kidding who?  experience matters"  oh, such a scary {but funny} poster for a nursing student to see.  on the one hand, i have more experience that those kiddos, but on the other hand, i often feel like i lack just as much experience as them.

2.  we were watching a football game

3.  on my way home from campus

over the weekend.

i love the weekends.  oh, i love them.  i love spending time with john almost all day {a nice change from seeing him  for only three hours every night}, and i love doing fun things together.  this weekend, we didn't do anything completely out of the blue, but it was still incredibly fun.  on saturday we had about fifteen friends over to watch the byu game, and, as you can see, we were packed in really tight.  happy monday!