this is what 6am looks like.

for the most part, getting up at 4:30am for peds clinical  is not much different from getting up at 5am for labor and delivery. waking up feels about the same {horrible}. getting ready feels about the same{drunken}.  eating breakfast feels about the same{barfy}.  

here are some things i actually really like about getting up in the wee hours of the morning: 

1.  snoozing on the way to salt lake.

2.  listening to the world all peaceful and quiet.  

3.  waiting for trax and loving that brisk fall air at magical 6am on a friday morning.

low, the moth and the flame.

on friday night we went to see one of our favorite bands, low, with ryan and janessa and phil and briana.  i am always amazed by low's powerful lyrics, beautiful harmony, scratchy guitar, and steady percussion.  the moth and the flame were there too, and we kind of liked them as well, despite a want of more variety in their songs.  low's song, silver rider, has to be my all-time favorite. 

today.

today,

i lit a christmas candle,

turned on my pandora christmas playlist,

compulsively cleaned the whole house,

and loved every minute of it.

it's official.

something about friday clinical made me realize that nursing school will all be worth it.  the stress and embarrassment, the asking of stupid questions, the doing of stupid mistakes, and the feeling of uselessness and incompetence - will all be worth it in the end.

on friday, i watched the miracle of birth {twice!} happen right before my eyes.  i also performed a newborn assessment.  {two, actually!} and i was helpful.  so helpful!  i opened my eyes and saw things that could be done and by gosh, i did them.  i gave newborn meds and i watched a mother cry with joy as we put that baby in her arms - that baby that she had sacrificed everything she has and more to bring into this world. and felt like i could, someday, belong in the labor and delivery unit of a hospital. {finally!  i know where i belong.}

it wasn't until friday that i realized, i have been waiting for two years. {two full years!} to feel like i had chosen the right profession. i knew i loved people, i knew i loved medicine. but did i really like being a nurse? i was all but certain. i would go to clinical and be okay with the unit i was in. but never did i fall in love with it.

well, friday, i fell in love with it.  i fell in love with the labor and delivery unit.  and the idea of holding a newborn every single day for the rest of my life.  that sounds about perfect, no? 

a glimpse into our weekend.

my favorite photos of the week.

this week has been an emotional roller-coaster.  and if i was to describe that roller-coaster to you, i'd probably mention that it had more downs than ups.  just like you'd expect, you have some up moments, but  the coaster is consistently sinking lower, and lower, and lower.... and then the ride ends.  wow, roller-coasters are kind of depressing if you stop and think about it.

yesterday, i basically worked myself to pure exhaustion-mode studying.  i walked home in utter distress and bewilderment, and when john finally called to say that he was coming home, {he got in about 9:30} i literally burst into tears.  as my mom would say, sometimes you just need a good cry.

he offered to bring me home a diet coke, and we watched deadliest warrior for the rest of the night.  sometimes, i think that life just is that way, and there's nothing we can do about it.  but it sure makes it a whole lot better to have a cable tv and lots of diet coke on hand.

my favorite photos so far of the week:

1.  "who's kidding who?  experience matters"  oh, such a scary {but funny} poster for a nursing student to see.  on the one hand, i have more experience that those kiddos, but on the other hand, i often feel like i lack just as much experience as them.

2.  we were watching a football game

3.  on my way home from campus

over the weekend.

i love the weekends.  oh, i love them.  i love spending time with john almost all day {a nice change from seeing him  for only three hours every night}, and i love doing fun things together.  this weekend, we didn't do anything completely out of the blue, but it was still incredibly fun.  on saturday we had about fifteen friends over to watch the byu game, and, as you can see, we were packed in really tight.  happy monday!

a little letter to john harman,

john harman, last night was wonderful.  after a long hard day at clinical, i really needed a night out with my best friend.  thanks for being so wonderful to me.  thanks for holding me and telling me that it will all be okay.  thanks for helping me see that if i do my best, the Savior will make up the difference.  thanks for choosing me out of all the people you could have chosen.  you make life beautiful and happy.

also, thanks for the pizza pie.  i found it quite delicious.

xoxox

wifey

sometimes, there's a ferris wheel on campus.

and i just walk on by, thinking, only at byu.

i feel there are so many unique things about byu.  i love how strangers just strike up a conversation with each other on campus, just to be friendly.  i love that when i call up for technical support, the nice man on the other end chats with me about life while my computer is booting, and stays on the line to help me for over an hour.  i love that people are generally kind and open and willing to make friends.  i love that there are funny clubs on thursdays and nerdy costumes on halloween.  i love that you if you drop your books, someone will be there to help pick them up for you.  i love that i met my johnny here, and that in some undetermined time in the future when we leave this campus behind, i will have a few keepsake pictures of the sunsets i see walking home each night.  because, oh how i love a provo sunset.

there is a mouse in our house.

with all the moving and D.I.ing and organizing that has been going on in the brunt household, doors were bound to be left open and inviting to all sorts of filthy creatures.  we won the lottery and got a mouse.  and you wouldn't believe the unearthly scream that escaped my lips this morning as john paraded to my rescue.  

on a mouse-free note, 

the weekend was amazing.  saturday was spent cleaning, organizing, and eating delicious thai food with ryan and janessa.  and last night we had a wonderful dinner with some of ryan's mission friends and their wives.  {thanks janessa!} dessert featured nutella-filled cookies.  oh yes.  and this morning, we made this for breakfast:

german pancakes with strawberries and buttermilk syrup.  and boy, was it delicious.

make these, if you want.

i kind of loved these and thought i would share.  pumpkin spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. 

for the cupcakes:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon coarse salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1 cup packed light-brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 1 can (15 ounces) pumpkin puree

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together, brown sugar, granulated sugar, butter, and eggs. Add dry ingredients, and whisk until smooth. Whisk in pumpkin puree.
3. Divide batter evenly among liners, filling each about halfway. Bake until tops spring back when touched, and a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes, rotating pans once if needed. Transfer to a wire rack; let cool completely.  source.

for the frosting:

1 stick unsalted butter, softened

2 cups sifted confectioner's sugar

1 tsp vanilla

2 tsp cinnamon

1 {8 ounce} package cream cheese

1.  Whisk butter and cream cheese until creamy.  Mix in vanilla.  Gradually add confectioner's sugar and cinnamon.  

these are best when kept in the refrigerator.  now go make some!